WHEN My BODY STARTS TO FALL APART
I WISH I WAS DEAD.
WHY?
“What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
I'm never happy with my life. I don't want to suffer anymore. I'm overused. I'm never loved by other people. They never cared about my feelings.
I'm too sick of making stupid things and waking up everyday, doing the routine over and over. Pleasing other people for their approval. It's frustrating to be patient with people whom I know only wear fake smiles just to please others. Things are just too shitty sometimes. I HATE IT.
When I was born, people around me were happy and I was crying; And when I die and leave the world of pain, people around me will feel sad and I will be the one smiling.
I can imagine myself lying in the coffin where I can rest all day, the sweet scent of flowers, the aroma of coffee, the murmuring of people, my favorite songs are filling the room, PERFECT. If that happen, I would be the happiest "dead" person. I think it'll be nice to see who are the people going at my funeral and witness if their tears are for real. At the same time, I'll be able to know that at a short period of time, people cared about me. I know this sounds insane or masochist for you but it means a lot to me. It would really be an overwhelming feeling for sure-- to be appreciated. |
I wonder, who are the people who will move on and who will not. I just wonder.
END.
If we possess a soul, then we can imagine that while the body dies, the soul may continue to exist in some fashion.